About

I am Amy Julien, and a survivor of HER2+ breast cancer. I found my tumor after scratching a mosquito bite ( check out my full story here). Hearing a breast cancer diagnosis for me was so surreal. I literally had an out of body experience. I didn’t believe this was my life. I still wake up sometimes and wonder if it was a dream and then I touch my new fuzzy hair and realize nope it’s real. I am a cancer survivor, I am a Beautiful Fighter. I will continue to fight strong and I will continue to stay beautiful inside and out!!!! Beauty is in me, it is in all of us.

The creation of Beauty and the Fight came to me a few times during the first part of my cancer journey. I knew that I struggled to find information that I felt was useful and relatable. So much of the initial pages I landed seemed so clinical. While I wanted to find those pages and they were quite useful I also wanted to find a place where the community/ forum was active. Was there anyone else close by to me with this type of cancer? Had they been through it already? What should I know? What do they wish they knew? What do I need beside a REALLY BIG glass of wine to get me through all these upcoming conversations, how do I tell my 2 boys who are in college? What do I tell my 3 year old? Will I ever be able to tell someone without crying?! I hate crying but I couldn’t help it. I was scared and every time I had to say the phrase “I have cancer” it ignited tears and still as I write this my eyes fill with them and my chest still gets tight. So I think the answer to the crying about cancer is YES I will always cry but the tears take on different meaning each time. 

So I had the conversations, I winged them. It was authentic and that’s my advice to you. Be authentic. Do what feels best for the situation at hand. For me the conversations with family were just as hard as the ones with work because I love everyone in my life. My clients, my work team they were so amazing and supportive. My family was devastated not for themselves but for me. They all know I hate resting, I am go go go and they all knew that go go go girl was going to have to sit sit sit and hopefully be cured cured cured. I call them my corner. I was in the ring and they were my coaches. Some of my coaches had a harder time finding ways to show they cared. They didn’t know what to do or say. Some bought blankets, some sent fruit baskets. My client was so sweet they sent me and my family a couple weeks worth of steaks and dinner foods so I didn’t have to worry about cooking. I knew I was blessed with a great support system but I started to worry about those who don’t have that. What about the single parent who doesn’t have someone to share the load? Or the family who doesn’t have the means to allow their affected family member to take the time off needed to recover from the treatments? I knew I needed to change this for them as much as I can. 

Once chemo was completed and I started climbing back from the depths of chemo hell, I was left with this new person staring back at me. Who was this bald girl with old looking skin, terrible nails, dry mouth and no mojo? What happened to the strong ass bitch that use to have all that long hair, trendy nails and a fire in her eyes? Is she still there? Can I get her back? How do I find me again? Will I ever get use to my bald head? (That answer is no for me, I still miss my hair LOL). Who am I?

Well I am still figuring out how to get my swag back and while much of me is still here, there is a new element and a new self love that is needed. I have found that while I am growing the hair on my head back (much slower than any of us wants) my eyebrows I think are still sleeping along with my eyelashes. But I have also noticed I feel better when I fix those little things that distract me when I am inspecting my scalp for new hairs. I feel better when I mask nightly like I use to. Warm lemon water in a beautiful teacup yes please! It is in these self-care moments I am putting myself back together. It is in these moments I give myself the respect I deserve not for winning the battle, as it will rage on but, for fighting strong!